Robust, quality communication is founded in reality. Reality is different for all and when this is understood dialogue can happen without taking on the feelings or emotions that are not yours to carry. This idea also allows stronger personalities that sometimes seem aggressive and unapproachable to be neutralized giving way for messages to be taken at face value. This idea promotes a cultural maturity, allowing a person to not put one size fits all philosophies on any group of people. With that being said, Black women tend to be labeled and categorized as intense, strong, and many other (non)notions of grandeur that can be beneficial when trying to assess reality or feelings of others. “Telling it like it is” is a reality-based action despite its negative implications that elevates “fierce conversations”. “Fierce conversations”, a term coined by Susan Scott is based on principles that include interrogating reality, being present, tackling challenges, and following instincts. I am a believer in such conversation and see how someone who is strong and clear about expectations and desires only helps the other communication participants see without added fluff what needs to be seen, heard, and/or felt.
The 5 tips for real communication with your strong Black woman friend or anybody else are as follows:
- Access your reality-check assumptions and personal ideas that may have nothing to do with other participants
- Be present-make sure you have eliminated as many distractions as possible
- Be clear about the goal of the communication-ask yourself what you want to get from the conversation or meeting no matter how challenging or easy it may seem
- Be curious-active listening and silence allows you to learn and gain understanding of new thoughts and possibilities
- Take responsibility for the message you have left behind-be direct and conscious of your emotional impact